Boglin Lore

Below are the translated pages of Boglin history:

Within these pages lie the history and lore of the Boglins, carefully translated from the original Boglatin into new world English. We all know English is very hard to understand, and we have persevered beyond the modern Yo, what's up, guttural grunts, squeeks, beeps, pops and butt umps to try and create a clear and concise dictum.

The history and lore of the Boglins is drawn from the remaining Bog scrolls found in1836 by professors T. Clarke and M.Trotto. However many of the scrolls were so musty, mouldy, and damp that absolutely nothing could be gained from them. In order to finish this compendium, we have had to send out Bogologists to gather the oral history from modern day Boglins. This oral history has been passed down from generation to generation about the kings and chiefs of old. Since modern day Boglins are known for practical jokes, pranks and general silliness, we leave it up to the reader to try and figure out fact from fiction. We owe a great deal of thanks to all the Bogologists throughout the world who have painstakingly gathered their information into this tome. 

 

By order of King Vlobb and the ancient Hibernian Boglins of Grouk, I hereby tell the tall tales of the old and pull the tails of the new kings of Bogoluscious. Originally the boglands were divided into 7 kingdoms. Unfortunately, many nights of rebald celebrations have led to smaller lower kingdoms being formed throughout the world of muck, slime, swamp, and bog, and so a great deal of  infighting continues to this day. Only continued and extensive searching of some of the muckiest bogs throughout the world will lead to the eventual discovery of all the Boglin Kingdoms and their rich and fragrant history.

It's been a strange year in the Boglands. Once ruled by King Fergus, centuries of a burgeoning population have led to infighting and the establishment  of smaller fiefdoms and kingdoms. Of the seven kingdoms, the land of Fergus is now ruled by King Dwork and the land of Gaul son of Fergus is ruled by King Drool. King Drool also controls the land of King Vlobb in a very tentative written agreement composed in Boglatin which no one really understands anymore. The agreement is supposed to afford protection to King Vlobb from all the other marauding Boglins in the south. No one knows if it is actually working. 

Some Boglin tales:

It's Rutting season again that time of year when Boglins grow horns and gather to do battle on the hills of the Boglands.

Not accustomed to dry land the Boglins throw themselves down the hillsides half rolling half falling head over tail, then butting  into each other head first at the bottom of the valley. They end up a terrible mess of broken horns. The Victor who rises up out of the pile unscathed claims the right to rule that year over all the Boglands. The rest laugh themselves silly calling each other butt head, toasting the new King and returning to their usual merry making and drinking of Bogwine. All look forward to returning to the hot pools of Bogwash to sooth their aching heads and bodies.

While the new king contemplates how he is ever going to rule over such a band of disheveled nincompoops and dingbats!

 -A rebuttal from Professor H.H.Higgins of Bogwash University.

I totally disagree with this translation of the Ancient Boglatin scrolls.

It is very obvious that the scroll Refers to Boglin Rooting season not Rutting Season if one refers to the index in my translation we can clearly see that the Boglins were actively seeking out root vegetables and the very rare Trafalgar truffle. In the fall Boglins  would push their snouts into the muck seeking out Rutabagas, turnips, parsnips, carrots, and potatoes. Scuffles would ensue  when the Boglins would find the very rare Trafalgar truffle. Causing them to to lock horns pushing each other around in the muck. It is said that this would cause them to loose an occasional horn and the Victor would be crowned King for a day.  This is how valued Trafalgar truffles are.

About the only truth to the previous translation is the part about the Ancient baths here at Bogwash where there are very rare sightings of Boglins washing after the Root. I ask you all to please report in if you see any of these very rare creatures as I fear their numbers are dwindling.

"Save the Boglins"

 As the foremost Bogologist in North America, I draw most of my information from direct observations. Each year during the fall, the local Boglins gather together at the edge of the bog to collect cranberries. They stuff the cranberries in their cheeks to save for winter. It is quite funny to watch them dash across the surface of the flooded cranberry bog, tails wiggling and arms flapping as if they are about to take flight. They skim the surface gathering as many cranberries in their large mouths as they possibly can, only to be grabbed by the tail at the edge of the bog by the cranberry farmer and forced to regurgitate the berries into the large wooden crates. It is so surprising to find that the Boglins don't seem to mind the farmers' interruption and they happily go back to skimming along the surface of the bog in this symbiotic relationship of mutualism. The farmers provide the cranberries that the Boglins feed on and the Boglins, in tern, help in the harvest. This diet of cranberries is rich in vitamin C and has caused a rapid increase in the Boglins population. An overcrowded bog leads to aggressive fights of head butting Boglins and broken horns. Luckily the farmers have found a solution to gather up the excess Boglins and pack them in the extra cranberry crates to sell them as pets. Oh, the poor unsuspecting kids who adopt these truly mischievous creatures! They have no idea what mayhem these wild Boglins can wrought.

 -Signed, O.C Spray  PHD in Bogology

It has been reported in Brazil that the Boglins live in the deepest and most dense part of the Amazon Jungle and swim in its tributaries from the Andes Mountains of Peru, through Ecuador, Colombia, Venezuela, and  Bolivia. Their habitat is vast but sightings of them are rare. Several tribes of Boglins are rumored to be cannibals  and headhunters,although this has not been observed in the wild. I think the local population has told these tall tales in order to scare off collectors. I hope to be able to capture some photos of the Amazon Boglins in their natural habitat on my next adventure. The natives here have told me of vast cities filled with golden idols, ornate sculptures, and structures more advanced than any other Boglin society in the world.

 -Professor Arnot Phibber  AD HOC. University of Amazonia Brazil

Long ago far away on an island in the far east, there was discovered a race of Boglins who distinguished themselves not by wallowing in a bog, but  instead by growing and culturing beautiful formal gardens with flowing waterfalls, streams and ponds.

Since the boglins are low to the ground they pruned  the shrubs and trees to their proportions. Upon completing their work they would hold up their pruning shears and yell in unison: "Bonsai", signifying a day's work well done. To this day, this  breed of Boglins is a sight to behold; the small skirmishes they have between tribes are very formal. There is no head butting here. These Boglins have beautiful armor, with ornate masks and helmets. They carry long bamboo sticks with which they do battle, yelling "we kendo" as they advance in formation against each other. At this time, they smack each other in the head with their bamboo swords and laugh themselves silly as their helmets ring out like bells across the valley.

After the battle they all bow and chortle: "Samurai!" The meaning of this word is not known to this observer, but I hope to find out soon after my meeting with Lord Shogun this coming week.

 -M.T. Sensai Cultural Attache for the University of Haiku 

The Boglins start rutting at the start of every fall. They don face masks to try and conceal their identity. This way, they avoid embarrassment. They start to grow horns and flop around willey-nilley in the bog, hunting for cranberries. As their search is jubilant, they often lock horns and butt heads, occasionally snapping off a horn or two.  Some observers have noted that this aggressive play often leads to some bloodshed. Yet on closer observation it is quite obvious that the blood is only cranberry juice, and the heavy consumption of it turns the Boglins' eyes red.

This mayhem upsets the cranberry farmer who quickly snatches the Boglins up and ships them off in old cranberry crates.

It is truly the lucky Boglin enthusiast who garners one of these rare red eyed Boglins.

Blobkin and Bog-O-Bones haunt the No Bog lands and no boglin dares to set hand or tail there. So treacherous and evil are these two that they are known to steal small boglins and carry them off to the No Bog lands, a very inhospitable place filled with dread and woe.

For this reason, every Halloween young boglins stay indoors and leave carved pumpkins on their door steps to try and trick Blobkin and Bog-O-Bones into stealing their Jack-O-lanterns and leaving them alone. The Jack-O-lanterns are often filled with sugary candies that send Blobkin and Bog-O- Bones into fits of laughter which can be heard for miles around the Bog.

Incredibly exciting news about a new discovery of one of the oldest tombs in Egypt:

Inside a recently discovered tomb in Egypt was found a small sarcophagus that contained the mummified remains of a very ancient Boglin. Inscribed with hieroglyphics and covered by a golden mask, this is truly an astonishing find.

 

Thomas B Carter ,PhD, great, great, grandson of the man who found King Tutankhamen, has stated that this could be one of the greatest discoveries in the history of archeology. Upon the reading of  the hieroglyphics, Dr. Carter has exclaimed that this Boglin and all his followers were responsible for the very foundations of all Egyptian culture, from the building of the Pyramids to the creation of the Egyptian gods and mythology. This all points in the same direction that it was not humans who influenced the Boglins but the other way around. The Boglins are the source and influence of all human culture. 

 

Long suspected by Bogologists in South America but never confirmed, studies have shown that those who have been studying the ancient Olmecs, Mayas, and Aztecs have found indications of Boglin influence. However, this discovery was often shunned by most people as insubstantial. Many now believe that this is the reason the Spanish explorers burned the Mayan codices as the codices indicated the strong ties between the mentioned ancient cultures and the Boglins. 

 

The discovery in Egypt has now confirmed that much of human culture has its foundation in Boglin culture. Many are now rethinking the indications this has on many other cultures throughout the world from the ancient Chinese, to the Persians, the Greeks and the Japanese. All our foundations must now be re-examined. It is indeed a Whole new World

Recent discoveries in the Eire peat bogs are setting the world of Bogology on it's head. Carbon dating is showing us that the recent dig in the bogs of Connemara could be the earliest known existence of Boglin civilization. In these bogs, Bogologists are finding spears, arrow heads, small golden figures and effigies, and large stone pillars with intricately carved spirals, evil eyes, knots, and woven patterns. One of the figures is believed to be of the Ancient Boglin King Fergus who many think was the first king of all the Boglands. Preserved in the bog was an ancient scroll that tells us in Boglatin that the Earth was once joined together by one enormous and continuous Bog. Ancient Boglins took advantage of the high sea levels and soggy land masses to swim freely from bog to bog, establishing new communities throughout the world. Many of these communities created highly evolved societies, many of which became cut off from each other as the seas receded. 

 

Everyday new and exciting discoveries are being made in an area where many neglected to search before for fear of being swallowed up by the muck and mire. It is indeed no pleasurable experience to find oneself chest high in mud. Being a Bogologist is not for the faint of heart, but for those who are drawn by the lure of discovering that which is unknown is insatiable.  

 

 -Seamus O Phlagherty  PHD Trinity University Eire